Endo the affects on Marriage
23 Members
Created by Danielle Camilien

Loss and the happy wedding photos

Hello,

On my worst days, I seem to go down the marriage aisle, in my mind, and re-live the happily-ever-after feelings my husband and I had that day. My endo. came down really hard 3 mos. later, and I , and we have been suffering extremely ever since.

On the bad days - I start to feel the loss of my body shape (weight gain), my organs, my social life (due to severe pain and fatigue), loss of ability to do my job well - which puts more stress on us, inability to be the mom I envision to my 13-year old daughter, loss of the intimate life I had with my husband (he is very supportive, and we do what we can, but that isn't much), -  loss of my life as I once knew it, and in its place. a life where I am grasping each day for the moments for which I am truly grateful.

It is, of course, a life worth living, and always will be, but it is a different life than what I envisioned for us on our wedding day. We mostly watch cable on Saturday nights and eat popcorn for our social life. We usually fall asleep after reading in bed and hold hands...he plays badminton with my daughter and i watch, but I wish I could play.  I can play board games.  I try to look at what I can do.  But on the bad days, I just curl up with the loss, and cry it out. I feel I deserve to feel sad for myself. Not to wallow in it, but face the fact of my life.  Anyone else feel endo. has robbed you of some bliss?

10 months ago
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  • Elsie

    Wow I completely understand how you feel and what you are talking about. I adore the man that I am with but due to the pain and illnesses that followed this endo disease there really isnt too much I can do as well. Hes very supportive and i feel bad cuz I cant really participate in too much and sometimes when I do over do it just to fit in and have fun I pay for it for the rest of the night and even days to come after that. We are engaged and endo has robbed us of ever having children. Sometimes I feel bad and want to tell him not to marry me all because I dont want to rob him of children all because I cant have any. I couldnt and dont ever wanna be without him but I cant give him a family and that breaks my heart. So believe me when I tell ya that you are not alone in your pain and suffering. I cry often when I am home by myself just frustrating with the cards I was dealt in this situation. I so appreciate that I am at least alive given the fact that I had kidney failure 2 times because of this disease. I wish you the best and all I can tell you is to count your blessings that you have an understanding husband as I do but you also got the blessing of a child which I could never have without losing my life over it. If you want to talk further please feel free to email me here ok? hope to hear from you soon and GOD BLESS

    10 months ago

  • leah

    yes i know what u are going through with the pain and everything i just got married almost 4 months ago and the day before i got married i started and was in sooo much pain and even though i was in pain i still had a very good wedding and was trying not to show the pain i was in but i have been suffering for almost 4 months now and i just found out on the 14th of this month that i have endo i had to have the surgery to see if i had it and i do have it bad and i have known since i was 12 or 13 that i had endo but could not get the doctors to listen to me or my mom she was trying to tell them i had it because she had it when she was my age i am now my husband is very supportive to and i know what u mean when u say u loss the intimate life with ur husband because i am having the same trouble and he says he understands but i don't think its being fair to my husband do u know what i mean? i might not be able to have kids and i have always wanted to have kids i have not gave up yet on having kids yet the doctors told my mom she would never ever have kids she had my older sister me and my younger sister on my good days i can get up and move around and clean and cook but on my bad days all i want to do is lay in bed and cry because the pain is so bad and just want to curl up and cry when my husband is at work  i feel like i am not being the wife i should be to my husband  because of my endo and the pain i feel it breaks my heart when i think about that and all i can do is cry  when i think about it

    10 months ago

  • Endopeg

    Hi Leah,

    Yes I know how you feel.  When you are in pain, and your energy is being drained just to recover, it's easier to feel vulnerable and helpless.  When I am my most vulnerable, I start to feel like my husband should not have to put up with having a wife with endo. He reminds me that he loves me just like I love him, so it is not true to think I am a burden, or not a good wife.  I have to say, though, that I have the same thoughts.  I do have a 13-year old daughter,  She is my only child.  I had 3 miscarriages after she was born. I am married to someone else now.  I was not able to have any more kids by he time I found my husband, so I felt like I was robbing him, marrying him when I could not have a child with him. but I saw how much he loved my daughter and how much joy we both bring him, and I knew it was o.k. I try to be at peace with that, but there are days when I can't.  I just decide on those days to go to bed as soon as I can and get some rest.  I usually feel better the next day.  Or I have a good cry.  One or the other will usually get me to feeling a little better.  Please don't try to do housework when you are feeling so crummy.  Please trust me when I say that he does not care! It's o.k.  Well, I need to go to bed now. I hope you will find that you can be easily helped tomorrow.

    Peg

    10 months ago

  • worknprogres


    I DEF understand! =( And feel the same......You can be sad, be sad WHENEVER you want Missy....b/c no one but YOU knows what ur going through, and even tho we all are going through it ourselves, truley no ONE knows exactly how you feel, gbut YOU. Crying can actually make you feel better....but dont let it get the best of you, or you'll start not even wanting to get out of bed. FIGHT is all we can do! Even if it's fighting for a smile......



    Loves!



    Nic


    9 months ago

  • leah

    i have to always have to fight to smile when i don't smile my husband thinks i am unhappy in our marrage and i am very happy in our marrage is just hard to smile when i am in pain and i get very cranky and moody with my husband i hate to get moody or cranky with him but i can't help it when i am in really bad pain

    9 months ago

  • Tonya

    I can relate to this so much. I make myself get up and do my normal activities on the really bad days when I really want to curl up and not wake up until the pain is gone forever. Being intimate with my hubby is basically down to just holding hands or cuddling together. My body is just worn out and tired that that is the last thing on my mind. Even I wanted to it never is what I want it to be because of the pain. Me myself is not who I want to be in a lot of ways. But I continue for my kids and hope for the day that the pain, fatigue and all the emotional and physical things Endo does to me is gone. It's like I wake up with the hope that someday there will be a cure or someday I won't feel like this. If didn't have this outlook I would probably be in some kind of institution some where. Endo really does make me crazy. The only thing keeping me from being crazy is my family. Knowing how much they need me to be strong and confident is worth getting up through the pain and fatigue. I am so lucky to have a husband who is understanding and lets me be grouchy when I am hurting or bitchy when I am tired. He is the only one that does know and understand. My family and his don't really get what it does to me and I don't think they want to either. Sometimes crying it out is the only and best thing to do. Endo isn't something that you can be happy about so just go ahead and be sad. But also know that Endo is just something you have Endo doesn't own you if you don't let it. Easier said than done I know. I hope that things will get better for you. Just take it an hour at time. Try and remember who you are outside of Endo and not who you are with Endo. I know that this helps me a lot. If I didn't have Endo this is what I would do and try to do it. Take baby steps and eventually you will be doing things that you always could do and loved to do.
    Sorry this is so long but I have been really emotional and going through a lot and talking and helping people helps me.

    9 months ago

  • Endopeg

    Thanks to everyone who has joined this discussion and given me support. This has helped me to keep one fott in front of the other. I am still standing! (yea, yea, yea,..get it? the song..never mind..

    9 months ago

  • lacy

    Wow that was said really well. I totally get where youre coming from. I feel like such a burden on everyone around me pretty much, even just to call someone and talk I feel like I am calling and whining and Im sure they dont want to hear it anymore so  I just dont call anymore which in turn makes me depressed. Its such a helpless, hopeless cycle that is so hard to understand sometimes. I just wonder every once and a while, why I have endo? When will a cure come about? If a cure comes and the pain is gone will I even be able to ever lose this weight now and be attractive again?

    9 months ago

  • Kirstin

    I am so glad to find other people feeling the way I do. Now I am not so alone. My husband is good, trying to be understanding and strong for both of us. But it affects us both, a lot. A lot more then I ever wanted it to. I'm glad I'm not the only one wanting to hide from this pain.   It is such a stress-er on a marriage, it is not fair. 

    last week

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